A Simple Request

So, Toronto got festive this year and decided to host its own "authentic" European Christmas market in (where else?) The Distillery District.

Now, I've wanted to get over to the continent for the yuletide for some time now and the main attraction is the markets. All I want is to see some beautiful (or elderly, not picky) natives bundled up for the harsh Eastern bloc festive days, maybe get a strudel or two and get liquored up on the most fortified wine humanly possible.

However, much like most of the endeavours my native city undertakes, it was a disappointment. Oh, don't get me wrong... there were festive offerings. But the ones that were authentic were either ridiculously overpriced (really Quebecois baker? your sugar pie is only $26??) or pre-packaged and thus lacking cheer.

The rest was just the usual trendy, overpriced yuppy Toronto fare. A kids' choir that looked simultaneously cold, frightened and disinterested... a peppy Salvation Army band with a bin overflowing with Lauriers and a gorgeous three-storey Christmas tree that was leaning most definitely towards Aunt Nancy's.

The whole night was capitulated by me stating "who's a guy gotta blow around here to get some mulling spices?" within earshot of more than a few children.

The few highlights included a complimentary box of European chocolate treats and the Slovenians hocking custard donuts and fruit teas that quickly became my best friends.

That said, however, the rest seemed lacking, though festive enough to not seem like a giant waste of time.

But... Toronto... the next time you staff a "treats of Holland" stand with a fake Dutchman, I will have to destroy you. Trust me, I'll know.. I always know.