St. Christopher

24.11.13


There is a story I ask my Grandfather to tell every year at Christmas. It has become legendary, a storyteller’s gift, and one I think worth sharing.

It was Christmas Eve in Toronto in the fifties. Leaving the office at four o’clock, Grandpa rushed home to Willowdale. He and my Grandmother tucked the kids under some blankets in the back seat, packed away luggage and gifts, and set off in the fading winter light.

Darkness comes early in December, and the night was ‘black as the ace of spades,’ as Grandpa says. In the bitter cold, everyone looked forward to the journey’s end: my Great-Grandmother’s house on Phillips Street in Kingston.

These were the days before the 401. The Highway 2 journey was long and winding. By the time the family made it past Napanee, Kingston beckoned. The warm glow of the city was almost within reach when the car sputtered to a halt, exhausted.

Christmas Eve, a silent highway, and not a drop of gasoline. The nearest light was a farm a mile or so away. Grandpa thought seriously of heading there for help. Imagine: a stranger from the city, on Christmas eve, coming through the frozen fields to beg a jerry can of gas.

In that moment of fear and uncertainty a car appeared. ‘We’re out of gas,’ Grandpa sheepishly admitted to the gentleman stepping out of his vehicle. ‘No problem, friend,’ said the stranger.‘There’s a station just down the road from here. I’ll head there for a jerry can and bring it to you shortly.’

A handful of minutes later the stranger returned. Grandpa thanked him profusely for the gas and asked how much he owed. ‘Just settle up with the lad at the station down the way. You can’t miss it. He’ll be expecting you.’

Five minutes along the quiet snowy roads, and no gas station. Ten minutes and still nothing but emptiness and brush.  The family was almost in Kingston before they reached a station. But the stranger returned from his quest so quickly- how could he have driven so far?

To be sure, Grandpa asked the attendant if someone had been by with a jerry can. No one had stopped there for well over an hour. To be doubly certain, Grandpa asked whether there were any other stations along the road he might have missed. The chilling answer: no other gas stations on that stretch of highway.

Fifty years later, the mystery of this story could probably be solved if we wanted to spend enough time and energy unwrapping the well-worn tale, devising various hypotheses to explain away a miracle.

Instead, we simply delight in it. As we prepare to celebrate light in the darkness, may we remember to be kind to the traveler. To welcome the stranger.  To celebrate unlikely angels in our midst who make heaven and earth sing together.


The 12 Days After Christmas

20.11.13

I had completely forgotten performing this song in high school.

Then it got stuck in my head last week.

Kinda dark, but also the kind of stuff custom designed to always make your parents laugh.

Know Your Holiday Beverages

11.11.13

It's the time of year that all good retailers bust out their best holiday lures.

December always represents a boom for scented candles, plush toys, scarves and repurposed gift sets.

However, few retailers cash in on the holiday season like the hot beverage sector.

It's a good bet that as soon as the Pumpkin Spice Latte displays have been dismantled, red cups will roll out and the strains of adult contemporary Christmas collections of choice (your choice: Sarah McLachlan or Michael Buble!) will soon flood your local non-indie coffee or tea retailer.

But there can be a disconnect between what retailers think they are selling you and what actually winds up in your cup.

Here's a run-down of some select favourites:


Second Cup's Noel Nog
Official Description: Premium brewed coffee with steamed eggnog, topped with whipped cream.
What they're Going for: Can't decide what you want? Have a bit of everything! We swear... it's awesome.
Likely outcome: An obese acquaintance once disclosed that her Mom made "The best coffee. Ever" that consisted of a half cup of coffee, half cup of cocoa powder, vanilla extract and whipped cream. It may have also had butter in it.
That sounds more appealing to me than a nog/coffee split.


Starbucks Holiday Blonde Roast
Official Description: A new version of our Christmas Blend. Lots of sweet and spicy flavor in a lighter roast.
What they're Going for: Don't like our bold, spicy Christmas blend? Try our slightly lighter bold, lighter Christmas blend!
What it Brings to Mind: A different sort of Christmas blonde. Ironically, also bold and spicy.


Timothy's Winter Carnival
Official Description: Brimming with flavours of caramelized sugar, vanilla and custard, Timothy’s Winter Carnival is like crème brûlée in a cup. Celebrate this season with this sweet treat that will bring you warmth on a frosty winter day.
What they're Going for: We're different from other coffee chains because we have less money. Sooooo, buy our crazy, interesting foreign-looking yet distinctly Canadian brew so we can become big enough for you to hate us, too.
What is Going on in that Promo: Seriously... What is going on there? Has that princess brought those jovial winter creatures to life under that ethnic dancer's skirt? Are her nether regions the toy room from The Christmas Toy where these beings co-exist during our sleeping lives?


Santa's Secret by David's Tea
Official Description: A deliciously minty black tea sprinkled with mini candy canes.
What they're Going for: Are you a middle-aged woman that's looking to cut calories this holiday season by cutting back on sweet beverages? Try this tea, it's totally lo-cal ... except all the candy.
Marketing Flaw: Do we really want to think of Santa's secret? Because it's probably an awkward break-time erection at a mall food court.

This is the Song that Never Ends

9.11.13

Okay, I have to start with an admission that I can not believe this song is only two minutes long.

It's an album cut from Odetta's supremely awesome collection of Christmas spirituals that Angus owns on vinyl, because of course he does.

The two of us once listened to this song on loop for what seemed like an hour and I dare any of you to try doing so.

 It's also insanely fun to sing harmonies to.


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