Pancakes For The Elderly

There is a beautiful feeling that most of us experience but rarely get to enjoy.

There comes a time just before one is about to fall flat on their ass, where the world stops dead. Your feet begin to slide out from below you, completely ignorant of your brains repeated orders to hold their ground. The muscles in your back, legs, arms, neck, shoulders and ass slam on the breaks and tense up like your grandmother watching Borat.

Now here it is. For a sweet fleeting moment you and your awkward, pokey, gangly, lanky body are set free. Free of the only world you know and it's gravitational restrictions. It's as smooth as dental floss and as exhilarating as soft core pornography on french cable television. Yes, falling, not landing, falling is amazing. If only we could capture and store this moment of weightlessness.

With the holiday season, formerly known as CHRIST-F*****G-MAS comes the formation of ice and snow. With ice and snow comes slipping and falling. It's just going to happen Jimmy. So, the next time you realize you're about to land on your face, pause for that split second before impact and be aware. Be aware of the feeling that only astronauts and skydivers and bungee-jumpers can know. The moment when no part of your fleshy pink existence is in contact with anything.

There is beauty is this moment. Beauty and calamity. Oh, how the two go hand in hand.