Christmas lights - a definitive guide

1. The ones you so don't have:

Apparently, Sylvania produced flourescent bulbs in the 1940s. Those probably look awesome (and lets face it, a little bit evil mad scientist) but I've never seen any.

2. Phallic bubble tree lights:

The first time I saw these, I was like 8 or something. I was absolutely fucking mesmerized. I started to notice that pre-70's christmas ornaments were where it's at. there was no point going to the store because the store didn't have shit.

3. Standard incandescent clear multi:

I remember these coming in the following colours:

red, yellow, green, blue, pink that looks like red

or

red, amber, green, blue, same pink, purple.

This kind of set will always remind me of the 80s and 90s. Although wasn't it 1995 when everyone switched to all-white lights because they looked ~classy~... and what year was the great icicle light blight that nearly eradicated all other outdoor light varieties?

4. Multicolour LED sets:

Obviously, eliminating the pink or purple completely robs the multi set of its whimsy. This is why I consider LED multi sets the lowest form of non-icicle christmas light. I much prefer when the yellow is omitted and they use a blue or purple and include the bright white (eg pale blue) colour.

5. Purple and red LED lights > the other colours.

6. Mixing bright white and soft white LED lights: it's so underrated but so pretty it deserves to be exploited as much as icicle lights were. Dude, it's like true white and pale blue. It's the majesty of ice delivered in twinkle light form. I might be biased because these are my current lights of choice.

7. Ceramic lights:

Ah, november 15th. The day you should be going down to the garage to test all your light sets. I love these old school opaque lights. I don't think I'm feeling the new ones they're making out of plastic. The old ones just look so warm and delicious. They glow more magically than your standard light.

8. Faux-flame lights: Awesome in any form.