It's an O Holy Night-off

Sometime in the contemporary era, O Holy Night became a girl song. I don't blame Mariah Carey for starting this, but I do blame anyone who thought they could do it as well as she could.

My sister has this horrible Christmas CD in her car. Honestly, it has The Reason I Can Never Forgive Beyoncé,* as well as some dreck by Hanson, 98 degrees, Spice Girls, *NSync and BSB and probably the godforsaken Moffats. Where would someone get such a thing? Well, whoever was student council of LFA homeroom 11-2 in 2001, I hope you're pleased with yourselves. My sister and I have had a passionate love-hate relationship with this free cd FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS. So, yes, the hours it took you to napster-jack all that music, burn it to cd, and colour print the liner notes were worth it, student council of 11-2. Truly, that CD could only have been gifted at an all-girls school.

This is one of the five acceptable songs on the entire album, mostly because of the organ solo.

Searching versions of this song on YouTube is an experience enhanced by the vitriolic commentary on any diva video. Here are some of the worst attempts I've had the misfortune to witness:

1. Jessica Simpson

I don't practice slut-shaming on a regular basis, but it has to be said. Jessica, dear: your o-face does not belong in church on the Christ Child's birthday.

From YouTuber kuntryjak -

I've never heard a stripper sing "O Holy Night", but I'd imagine this is what it would be like!

I feel kind of weird when listening to a song about our dear Savior while a voluptuous woman makes sensual facial expressions while stroking the microphone stand and touching herself provocatively and singing in a sultry voice.

Well, if that pg-13 performance got him that hot n' bothered, let's hope that kuntryjak never finds out what the internet is really for.

2. Avril Lavigne and Chantal Kreviazuk



If you made it through that for longer than ten seconds, I salute you. Not only is it a crappy [PICTURE UNRELATED] fanvid, but the song is murdered in cold blood. You'll wonder what Jesus (or Chantal) ever did to her to deserve this.

3. Luciano Pavarotti

No, he's not a girl, but the Avril hurt me, and I needed to get better. A guido accent does wonderful things for a Christmas carol. This one was popular around the house, let me tell you.

4. Céline Dion

The credits for this clip promised "a carnage video." She's no Mariah, but I wouldn't go that far. 3:03-3:11ish for the best trademark Céline gesticulation.

5. Carrie Underwood

From "A Very Republican Christmas," no doubt. Look at Dubya at about 0:08, being all HURR HURR SHE DONE PUSHED THE OTHER GUY OUTTA THE WAY I'M GUNNA WINK AT HER. Honestly, though, not a bad attempt. The backing chorus is fairly epic.

*Honestly, Destiny's Child. Eight days of Christmas? You couldn't think of four more nights of gold-digging? In their defense, the original did use a lot of bird gifts as obvious filler...